Here’s the idea — make a sound.  Any sound.  Imagine someone just jumped out and scared the heck out of you.  Now, take that sound and double it. It might go something like this:

“Yah!”

… OK, now double it …

“Yah Yah!”

Got it?  See, you could name a town too!  The problem with this list is that I’m not even sure what to say about each one. You can only editorialize so much on town names like Ko Ko (in Tennessee), Jo Jo (in Pennsylvania), or Fee Fee (in Missouri).  So, without the usual inane commentary from me, here is a list of the Dumb Dumbest Hometown Names I could find. Of course I mean absolutely no disrespect to any of the fine folks who live in these places. But if any of them actually read this and could help me learn more about the origin of their town’s name, that would be great. Then it might not seem so dumb… dumb.

But for now, here’s the Top 10 Dumb Dumb Hometown Names

10.  Yum Yum, Tennessee.

9.  Zig Zag, Oregon.

8.  Bo Bo, Mississippi.

7.  Paw Paw, Illinois.

6.  Lo Lo, Montana.

5.  Tum Tum, Washington.

4.  Co Co, West Virginia.

3.  Ty Ty, Georgia.

2.  So So, Mississippi.  (Maybe So So and Bo Bo were brother & sister?)

1.  Ka Ka, Arizona.

Got any more? Send them my way…

Several months ago I wrote about a trip I took to South Dakota.  Along the drive, I came across a great little town  named “Crooks,” with a welcoming sign declaring to all visitors, “If I don’t call the police, my neighbor will.”  Very reassuring.  This list was inspired by that visit.

In honor of Crooks, here is my list of the Top 10 US towns for the criminally-inclined. Of course, this doesn’t mean these places provide easy  pickings for the law-averse.  Also, I doubt that the dear folks who call these places home would welcome ne’er-do-wells with open arms.  I’m just saying, if you were an aspiring bad guy or girl, these are the kinds of place names you’d love to call home.  It would be kind of inspiring for you, perhaps.

The Top 10 Hometowns for the Criminally-Inclined:

10. Bruno, Arkansas.  Aren’t all the cartoon bad guys named “Bruno?”  It would be funny to meet a soft-spoken cosmetics salesman named Kevin from Bruno.

9. Warman, Minnesota.  I am Fierce and Terrible. I Am War Man.

8. Shady, Florida.  OK, not home to the Super-Bad, just the kinda-shifty.  You know, cheat on your taxes, cross the street outside the lines, run a red-light kind of folks.

7. Savage, Montana.  Now things are getting a little more serious.  This is home not for the merely mean — if you’re from Savage you gotta be Bad.

6. Devil Town, Ohio.  There must have been such a crop of scoundrels hailing from this part of Ohio that it became affiliated with the Big Bad Guy himself.  It’s not just a bad town, it’s DEVIL town.

5. Gunbarrel, Colorado.  Good ol’ fashioned Western bad-guy town.  Grab your Colt 45, finish that whiskey and hitch up the horses.  We gotta bust Pa out of  jail.

4. Stalker, Pennsylvania.  Really?  Stalker?  Does everyone have sore necks from looking over their shoulders and crying out, “who’s there?!”

3. Crooks, South Dakota.  What do you think the slogans are like during local elections?  “Vote for Honest-Johnson.”  “Trust me.”  “I won’t raise taxes.”  I think you’d start to get a little jaded after awhile… you might start thinking that politicians are just a bunch of crooks.

2. Slaughter, Louisiana.  Even IF this is just named after someone named Slaughter, you gotta wonder why. If this hometown name calls out to you, get help.

And the number one hometown name for the criminally-inclined…

1. Pillager, Minnesota.  An old pirate camp, or just a mis-spelling of “villager?” Whoops.

As I scour online and offline maps, read travel books and atlases and talk to friends, I keep a list of interesting place names that I come across. Interesting, unusual, funny, disgusting, odd, silly, and just weird town and place names dot this country from East to West. Although the main focus of the shirts we offer on Dufur.com is real places with names that are also personality traits, I thought it would be fun to share some of the other names I’ve gathered. Some of these might make good shirts, but others might not sell too well…

The following is a list of what I think are the “Top 10 Most Pessimistic Hometown Names in the USA.” Just imagine living in one of these places and doing your best to work up some civic pride. Volunteer at the community center. Adopt a highway. Serve on the school board…

10. Faker, Texas.  Things you’d have to get good at saying immediately after you say, “Hi I’m from Faker, Texas”:  “I really AM a nice guy, I swear. I’m a hard worker, I promise. I really did win that award! No honey, that one was real.”

9. Dull, Ohio. yawn. It’s not likely to be a nice day. Nothing happening here folks, move along.

8. Difficult, Tennessee. It’s not easy being from here. Hard to feel good about your chances.

7. Coward, South Carolina. The funny thing is someone named a town “Coward.” What kind of person warrants having a town named after them because they were so cowardly? I’ll have to look into this further… this is a good example of a town that would make a funny Dufur shirt, but few would buy! Unless maybe as a gift for someone else?

6. Cravens, Louisiana. Another cowardly place. Gets a higher ranking than Coward because being “Craven” seems even worse than being a coward. Just sounds that way to me. Also, probably a tough place to be a parent… “Go on Little Jimmy, you can do it!”  “Naw, I can’t do it dad, I’m scared.”

5. Antiville, Indiana. These folks are opposed to everything. All the people in the area that liked to say “no” moved to one place.

4. Bottom, North Carolina. How are things in this area? Pretty low. No… really low. Make that “bottom.” But if you’re at the bottom, does that mean things are looking up?

3. Purgatory, Maine. You think these folks feel pretty good about their lot in life? Getting others to relocate here is probably kind of tough. But hey, at least its not Hell (Michigan).

2. Defeated, Tennessee. Whipped. Beaten. Thrown-in-the-towel. Done-for. Finished. Kaput.

And the #1 Pessimistic Hometown Name…

1. Bitter End, Tennessee. There’s not a lot of hope left when you’re from Bitter End. First, it’s the end. Second, its not a good end, its a bitter one. Very sad.

In my last post I mentioned I’d recently been in South Dakota. I was born in Sioux Falls and still have family in the general area. It was great to see them a few weeks ago.  On the last day of my trip I had a few hours to kill and had Dufur on my mind… so I decided to take the long way back to Sioux Falls via the local roads. Along the way I came across this gem, posted at the main road into Crooks.

Someone here MUST have a good sense of humor.

This is perfect - I saw this article recently and you know I added Winner, South Dakota to the list of towns to feature on dufur.com.  You can’t make this stuff up. Here’s a link to the article.

From an Associated Press article published on May 28th, “The town of Winner has produced a winner… the winning ticket for Wednesday night’s $232 million Powerball jackpot was sold in this ranching and farming town of 2,800 people.”

And to top it off, the guy who won it is named Neal Wanless - which is surprising close to “winless…” For more on the winner named Wanless from Winner, read this.

I’m happy for Neal and the Wanless’es… I’m actually from South Dakota myself. And in a future post I’ll share some pictures I took from a recent trip I made to SD… now there’s a state full of some great town names. And great road signs.